Loverboy90

I am going home...

2009-11-30T15:23:00.000-08:00

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love remains true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,

Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.

Is Gonna Be Dull....

2009-10-14T22:26:00.000-07:00

well 2moro is my birthday and i gonna turn 19 in hours later. this yr birthday will be very dull... i am all alone celebrating it, the one i love have leave me and family and fren is far away... well... i did no expect much for my birthday, but a wish from a person i love and i get to call her, tat my biggest present this year... i hope my wish will come true and thing will get better when i com back home when seeing u again...

Mid-Autumn Festival, 中秋节快乐!!!

2009-10-02T21:33:00.000-07:00

2day is mid-autumn festival or we call 中秋节... is a great day for every chinese where they believe 2day is a day where everyone in the falimy member can sit around together and have reunion. wasnt it great... this i am all alone with no mooncake, family and my love one celebrating with me. during this day, my grandma will cook something extra nice which she dont usually cook or dad will bring everyone out for a great dinner. after dinner usually i wont play anything except watching young kids around my area walking all over the place holding lantern and playing with candle. in my memory, last yr 中秋节 was the best in my whole life, i get to celebrete with my love one sitting next to me until 12 mid-nite. every moment i can remember very clear. tat day we are having a small bbq party at ptee house. i still remember after the bbq is quiet down, me and her was sitting on see-saw, and holding each other hand having a small talk. although there are quite many ppl but i can feel is awesome to have her around me just the 2 of us sitting so close to each other. i remember one part i hug her, she was soft and nice to hug. another things is the next day she was playing candles with her siblings, she made me a heart shape using candles. wasnt it great? i feel very happy with every moment i spend with her tat nite.
2day i am all alone in australia, i am so faraway from her. i wish we are both still together and i am there next to her celebrating this nice happy day. nothing much i can wish for but to celebrate it with her. is far is far, i hope u will have a great nite with ur family and remember wat u did for me last yr. once again i here wish u 中秋节快乐 and also 天天快乐!!!

It was another dream...

2009-10-01T00:45:00.000-07:00

well my emotion is still unstable ever since monday. wat could it be, izzit because of u or because of assignment tat make me feel this way. i went to bed around 4 something coz i still waiting whether she will reply my post or not. i wait and wait there is nothing coming back so i decide to wish her good nite i go to sleep. i hug my pillow tight as usual, calling her name wish and pray for her. my eyes starts to close and there goes my dream... i dream of her again last nite. i saw everyone in my dream... my family, her parent and also her. it was a sweet and nice dream... but her part not as sweet as my family once. she appear in my dream like they day she left me, i try to talk to her but she keeps ignore me, then her parent show up and i talk to her parent. we talk wat could be the problem and is there any solution to solve our problem and we could be together again. we talk and talk and talk... *ring ring ring* my phone rang and i am awake from my dream. even is not a very sweet dream of hers i can feel i am close to her as if she is just right in front of my eyes and our distance is very close... i hope this dream can dream on longer so tat maybe there is clue or hint but is time to back to the real world... i woke up with not e very good mood because of it, i am still wishing to see her bcoz i really miss her. it had been month i din hear her sweet voice. i really wan to hear your voice... yes your voice. =/

Sadness....

2009-09-29T21:51:00.000-07:00

it was a very moody day for me... it have been 3 days after i hand in my assignment. i donno y... maybe is stress or something else keeps bothering me. i try to cry it out but i couldn't, just tears. i try to talk to my fren, but nothing works out for me. it only helps me to make past faster. as usual i was late for class, so my fren text me a msg said lecturer is give back our assingment... but i was not excited at all, not at all... not even when i enter class, my heart feels normal. during break when my lecture give me back my assignment, he sad i did a good job and well done. i tot i would be happy but i am not... why why why??? is something tat i should proud of but i am not happy at all. i dream of her 2 days ago, i was only a dream... my dream is never real. everytime i woke up from a nice and sweet dream, is all fake. i have to be strong even i am sad... my fren william is the best for me and i need his shoulder... he always cheer me up but he is a busy guy and always afk. when i needed you, you are not around. when you need me i always try to give respond to it. why izzit like tat... ><

When will be the time again?

2009-09-26T21:43:00.000-07:00

when izzit gonna be? i am waiting and waiting and waiting and no one nor myself can answer this question. i am still doubting the time will come. maybe i need to do something and work harder to achieve it. sometimes i feel like i had not done enough and sometimes i feel like i over do it. maybe i am paranoid or i am crazy enough to do stupid things. wat i can say is i donno the answer... i just wan a hint and is just enough to let myself answer it, a hint, just a hint... it would be more than enough. i am not going anywhere until i try my very best and sacrify to achieve my goal. i will be here all the time, not too far and not too near, just the right amount of distance you can reach me. my hand is long enough to hold you and to grab u around... when will the answer for this question be answered??? izzit gonna be 2moro, the day after, next week, next month, next year, or it will never be answered?

I Miss You

2009-09-25T21:19:00.000-07:00

i woke up 2day with not a very good mood. i open my eyes... as usual lazying on my small bed, take my lovely phone and use internet for facebook. i checked everyone updated profile as well as hers and i realize she change her profile photo. it reminds me of those when we are both happily together. those were the day, she change my life, from alone to someone important to her. i miss her when it reminds me of all this. i really really do miss her voice, her hug, her smell and her smile every time she hope on to my car, everything, i miss everything in her. time wont go back but only forward. the time has lost as our lovely days had come to an end. wat is left now is memories... memories that is sweet and will never forget it. time is still blur, no one noe wat will happen to use again in the future, but my wish is on hold and everyone is supporting me for my wish to come true. one last thing, no matter where am i, how high above the ground or how far am i, my heart will always have u...

One more month

2009-09-17T23:02:00.000-07:00

another month i will be 19... is tat good or bad? i reckon it will be nothing much for me to think of... no family celebrate with me and my hope is for her to wish me is very low. i wish time can go backward where i can have all the happiness. even there is no present for anyone, a words is enough to make me feel happy. words esp from you, yes you... present dont need to be exp, present is wat u choose and u put effort to find it, it will end up a very very true present from your heart. this yr not expecting anything but there is a wish i would like to make on tat day and something meaningful to me will show up. din expect present from her but a great big hug when i return, it will be the biggest gift ever i want. i have no more hope on anything but to hope for us to be happy and frens forever like last time.

is silly huh to write a post like this where my birthday is still a month away. =.= but then is just wat i feel wat to write at the end. XD

Rainy Day...

2009-09-16T21:15:00.000-07:00

this morning when i woke up and plan to go class but then i realize it was raining. so i noe is gonna be cold and wet outside and i cancel my plan and get back to sleep again. i really really hate rainy day bcoz inside me no matter where am i, class, clubbing, is always raining inside me and is always wet... i really dont like it. i like it to be warm and always warm... which means i wan to be happy and happy all the time. if it rains heavily inside me, tears will be falling. TT there are no warm ever since something unfortune happen to me. my heart is always warm when you are around me not the electric blanket i use tat keep my heart warm. it only make my external body warm. wats the point of being warm outside and not inside... WATS THE POINT... ><

소중한 사람

2009-09-14T04:46:00.000-07:00

song by: Kim Seong-pil

The one person who’s always been with me
The one person I see when I close my eyes
Someone who hasn’t yet told me they missed me
Someone who hasn’t yet told me they love me

The person who taught my heart about love
The person who’s been with me as I grew up
Now I will protect you
I will watch you

I long for you
I’ve been waiting for you
You’re the one who was sent from above
The one I’ll spend forever with

The one person that brings joy
The one person that’ll embrace you at the end of a long day
Now I will love you
I will care for you

I long for you
I’ve been waiting for you
You’re the one who was sent from above
The one I’ll spend forever with

Loving you
Making you smile
That’s all I will think about
I will long only for you, I will look only at you
I will live for your happiness (For the only one)

I love you, though all I have is tears for you
I love you, even if you leave me
The one person I’ll share this moment with forever
The precious person sent from above is you

Things Would Have Been Different

2009-09-14T03:38:00.000-07:00

it has been 4 months since i last call u my dear and u call me ling and now we are just fren. i feel alot things have change for u and me. our distance is suppose to be 6600km far from each other but ever since bad things had happen, i can tell tat now is futher then 6600km. every day every nite i will pray for u or wish u luck before i close my eyes. are u still the same praying for me? i doubt it... ever since it comes to an end, i cant control my emotion, i always feel something is missing inside me or something has been taken away. nothing goes well for me, when i needed u badly, u left me behind all alone in the dark. i am still wondering wat is in ur heart? there is a secret box in ur heart tat no one noes the password or where is the key to open it. i gave every treasure i have to u, at the end u left me with an empty treasure chest... i can tell something is wrong even though u say is not. my instinct tells me is not rite and something must be gone wrong. everyday our distance is getting futher and futher... there must something we both can work out to pull our distance back to just 6600km. now i miss u everyday and hope day could end faster so i can see u once again. ><

The World Like The Amazon Forest...

2009-09-11T07:34:00.001-07:00

anyone noe wat is amazon forest and where is it located? i bet everyone noes it. it is the largest rainforest in the world and is located at brazil.

in the forest there are million and million of species and just like the world, there are many many ppl. in all the species there are predator and prey where predator will be the strong ones and prey will be the weak ones. this goes to the real world, there will be ppl with more power and ppl with weak power. everyone noes predator always feed on prey which is similar to the real world as well. stronger power ppl always have control over the weak ppl. is very natural tat predator feed on prey. sometimes prey can be strong but at the end it is still a food chain to predators. even in thier own group of animal, no matter prey or predator there will be weak and strong. the strong will the king among the herds and the weak will always be bully, look down and be discriminate by the strong ones. in real life, in a group of ppl, if u are strong u will have more power in tat group. in a group the weak will always be bully, discriminate and follow orders. in the good side, if the strong one are good they will take care of each other as their own family but mostly they dont even bother.

life is fragile, no matter human or animal. in a group we must always take care of each other, love them like your own family, give respond and help when they need you. as my own opinion i see tat all this values is slowly be left behind. the moral here is everyone wans to be predator and at the end everyone will be enemy and fight each other for living...

if anyone read this and understand the story behind u will understand my feeling. plz do leave some comment after reading. thk...

where am i now, no direction at all...

2009-08-24T23:50:00.000-07:00

after a really bad brk up with her, life is totally down and moody. i have try pulling myself back together but it simply wont goes well. i have no sense of direction at all and where should i head to... left? right? straight? backwards? i am totally lost. TT everyday i woke up i feel something is missing, when ppl is having fun talking about jokes, i am just pretending to be happy. where is my true self? WHERE???? i am just like a blind man with no support and just banging something and wound are everywhere. everything is mess up, everything is so dull to me. i am sick and tired of myself. my mood are so unstable this days, i can go into a very good mood and all the sudden tears are falling for no reason. wat am i thinking now? i cant really answer to myself... every nite b4 i go close my eye, i tell myself wats the purpose of doing this and tat and i also cant answer myself. not like the days b4, everything i do, i will get to answer myself but now, they are all just question marks. what i wan is just get myself back into the old days, happy, chill and cool with everything. some1 plz guide me and point me a direction. i noe i have to independent but is a mess now, so is there anyone out there could point me a direction? at least show me where the lights are and i will try to work something out. now i am still doubting is there anyone tat will show up to guide me. ><

Getting better...

2009-08-23T23:35:00.000-07:00

i had been awhile i was sad and moody becoz i miss her. i have tried dreaming about her continuously. i still remember when i was sick, i dream of her taking care of me by my bed side. when i woke up i was just a dream and everything just gone missing. the feeling is there but the real person is not here. she try avoiding and not talking to me, this make me very down too... wat i wan is just care for her and talk to her for now. i wanted to see her so badly but i am just too far away. finally the the heavy rain is over and just a little drizzling, she finally reply me on facebook, i feel happy but there is still tears falling because i just miss her. day by day she slowly reply me and i starts to get back to my mood day by day. i am glad tat she reply me... i am here to thk her to make me feel better, but i am still waiting the time to come where i can really see her with my eyes.

Because I Am A Girl by Kiss

2009-08-18T06:14:00.000-07:00

this song is a very very sad, even the mv will make u cry. i specially like the narration and 'the guy said', it mean alot of things to me. this mv is on my facebook...

this is the translated version:

I just cant understand the hearts of men
they tell you they want you and then they leave you
this is the first time, you're special
I believed those words and I was so happy

You should have told me you didn't like me any more
but I couldn't see that and you just rushed me
although I will curse you I'll still miss you
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything

i heard that if you give up things too easily
to a man, he will get bored with you
i don't think this is wrong
a girl says that she will never be fooled again
but she will fall in love again

you should have told me you didn't like me any more
but I couldn't see that and you just rushed me
although I will curse you I'll still miss you
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything

[narration]
Hey babe
the pain
it's not enough to describe how i feel
we were so happy together
but I know now
I've been blind
you told me that you'd never let me down
whenever I needed you you'd always be here
I can forgive but I cant forget
even though you hurt me
I still love you
I still love you
Don't take advantage of a girl's willingness to do anything for love
and her caring instinct
U didn't know that to be born as a girl and to be loved was so hard
Although i will curse you i'll still miss you
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything
although i will curse you i'll still miss you
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything

[the guy said]
there is a girl whom I love. Now I can`t stay with her, but I still love her.

擦肩而过

2009-08-17T00:51:00.000-07:00

我爱着谁
爱到我有点醉
告诉我你是谁
能够把我让我变不对
你不会累
但我却爱你爱得好累
从没有为了谁
不顾安危付出一切
站在这平衡点
我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见
只能够靠感觉

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过

我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

你听我说
你不要这么做
你不要看着我
说你已经知道怎么做
你很难受
我愿意陪你一起承受
只要你不怕痛
再多坎坷我都陪你走
站在这平衡点
我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见
只能够靠感觉

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过

我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过

我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候

我的温柔陪你度过

when i start listen to this song, it reminds me alot of our happy memories as well as sad memories. tears started to fall immediately. enjoy... ><

我不配

2009-08-14T21:43:00.000-07:00

a song by my fav singer jay chou. i love to listen to it when i am sad, is a very meaningful song to me. do i really not worthy any more to you? enjoy...

這街上太擁擠　太多人有秘密
玻璃上有霧氣在被隱藏起過去
妳臉上的情緒　在還原那場雨
這巷弄太過彎曲走不回故事裡

這日子不再綠　又斑駁了幾句
剩下搬空回憶的我在大房子裡
電影院的座椅　隔遙遠的距離
感情沒有對手戲妳跟自己下棋

還來不及仔仔細細寫下妳的關於
描述我如何愛妳　妳卻微笑的離我而去

＃這感覺　已經不對　我努力在挽回
一些些　應該體貼的感覺　我沒給
妳嘟嘴　許的願望很卑微　在妥協
是我忽略　妳不過要人陪

＊這感覺　已經不對　我最後才了解
一頁頁　不忍翻閱的情節　妳好累
妳默背　為我掉過幾次淚　多憔悴
而我心碎妳受罪　妳的美　我不配

Tu Me Manques...

2009-08-14T21:27:00.000-07:00

day of day of waiting, never get to see her face to face since i left msia to tasmania. the word miss is always in my heart. i can never see her until i go back home, driving my car to her house and call her, seeing her slowly walk out her house to my car, i feel very happy... is like seeing her getting closer and closer to me. now there might not be a chance of doing it, i always like to take care of her, give her all freedom, give her happiness, everything tat i have i will share it with her. it has been quite long time since i left her behind to further my study. every day and nite, i will think of her but i cant express it out to her coz i am just too far. i really miss her voice and her laughing, tat was the most happy things to see. i feel happy seeing her happy. she also take good care of me, but now i am sad, she doesnt bother me anymore, throwing me behind with no warning. i feel i am lost in the jungle with a big storm. my path is covered by mud and trees, i can see no path due to the storm, no shelter for me to hide. i really do miss u alot since the day i meet you, there is always not enough for me.... I Miss You!!

Home

2009-08-13T04:25:00.000-07:00

this song really touch me when i listen to it. Home by Michael Buble...

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

날 다시 오실 건가요

2009-08-13T03:51:00.000-07:00

i have been thinking and thinking will u really be him for the rest of ur life or u will come back to me someday. i tell myself to move on and forget about u, but i cant. i am afraid tat when i find another one it wont be a true love. i scare tat i am lying to myself to love another girl. no one noes wat will happen to me and u. we might not see or talk to each other again or we might be together again... even is my 1st love, it really give a great impact. it really is... brk up without seeing u for the last time is very painful. this pain hardly can understand... no one will understand, only i can feel it and see it. life is lost without u even though i have frens here, i still feel tat there is always something missing, but i cant really find out wat is missing. the feeling i have keep to myself and no one noe it. i am happy outside but sad in the inside. will medicine cure me? i am afraid there will be no antidote for it, only you have the antidote to heal my heart.

maybe i am just paraniod, but all this is true. no one really understand how is the feeling of pain. no one... ><

You Are Not Alone....

2009-08-12T05:13:00.000-07:00

this song somehow will make me cry every time i listen to it, it just give me a strong feeling. MJ wrote this song to his lover and i am here to give it to her... 당신들은 결코 혼자 나와 함께...

Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be
You're not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

You are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
You are not alone

All alone
Why, oh

Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
So forever can begin

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Then something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
And you are not alone

Whisper three words and I'll come runnin'
And girl you know that I'll be there
I'll be there

You are not alone
I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
You are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

You are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone

The Sky Starts To Pour Again...

2009-08-10T20:00:00.000-07:00

no doubt, it started to drizzle again. this few days my feeling is getting stronger and stronger. i did not cry but just tears.

yesterday we celebrate a fren's 22 birthday. it was a awesome one, me and wayne as a chef we cook rump steak, the other cook mash potatoes and some of them get prepare for dinner. it was a wonderful creation where i can even cook steak. isn't it wonderful? after tat we bring out the cake which is a ice cream cake, it was nice but TOO sweet... the too sweet part just turns me off. later we decide to have a drink, it was a smooth drink... it was a scotch but it taste better then Jeam Beam or Ballantine. we sit down and drink and talk and i start my topic which is i miss her. i ask all my fren how to overcome it. everyone have their own way. bday boy say i am just 19, is true i am just 19 there are long way to go but my world of love is very different from others. another guy say there is always a better one, is true also but i have no confidence in doing it again. another guy say even though i love some1 else it might not be true love, it might be just a lie. i donno wat to do now, i am not as sad as b4 but sometimes i just wan her to come back.

anyone out there can clear my sky? anyone... ><

When You Are Gone

2009-08-07T22:55:00.000-07:00

it has been quite some time i din blog. my feeling is better now but this few days those feeling is coming back slowly. abit of tears when i see something sad... this song when you are gone i will dedicate to her and all my fren tat care for me... enjoy!!

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok

I miss you

2009-07-20T09:05:00.000-07:00

haha... long time no blog coz lazy, but will update within this few days... =)

Another Time...

2009-07-06T08:40:00.001-07:00

i have been sad after she leave me and for the last time she din give me chance after i did so many things. i was very sad when she say is over... my whole person was down and heart was very pain. i had spoke to some of frens about it. although they give me encouragement and advices it still wont work for me... so i finally decide to tell the whole story to my mom... there is two woman in this world i love the most, my love one and my mom... after telling her the whole story and i tell her not to scold me coz i am lonely now, the next day she reply me like she care for me and wanted to see me back to normal again... i was crying when reading the sms she send me. my mom was there for me the whole day, she give me advice and tell stories about wat she saw in her life... i dont noe y i listen to her more and not my fren even they help me alot, i think is bcoz she is my mom... she try to talk to me slowly and patiently and treat me like a teenage telling me everything she noes. most of her advice are true... and i had think about it. she encourage me to look for another one but not now and give myself another chance as well... she also tell me tat i am still young and i still have long way to go, besides tat, she also say to me, even me and her both are together again there wont be a happy ending... but now i still love her and i will make my move again when i grow older as well as she had grow older and we both are more mature. she was rite tat, coupling at young age like me, relationship will not last long... but wat she say is quite true... for now i will patiently wait again and move on, if there is another better one i meet i will definately go on but now my heart still have u... my mood 2day has gone better even though i think of her. thks mom for caring me and understand my feeling... for now time is everything, patient is time and my love life lies within it... =)

Time...

2009-07-03T09:14:00.000-07:00

it is time to say goodbye. goodbye my love and my frens... i wouldnt noe when will we be together again, might be soon or maybe our next life. for my fren, we might meet each other in the near future or maybe we will not meet again. life is lonely without my love one and my frens. i am now all alone here in tasmania. no one is close to me and no one care for me like she did last time. 4 month after i came here, she give me comfort and care which no one else could give me, she heal my injuries and medicate it nicely where i feel no pain and those were the time... after she left me all alone to walk down the dark and undevelope road, frens came close to me day by day. they care for me even more then before... thk kelly for understanding my feeling and i can see how u feel now... we are in the same boat. time is running out for me, my love one and my frens here. we both share our tough as well as my frens... the day have come where we say goodbye and hug each other. tears are falling from each faces, the same goes to me.... i will miss my love one and u guys, forever in my heart no matter have far we are. my love one and my frens spirit will always be close to me. 10 days flies like a speed of light and is also time to say goodbye to my melb fren and also all the happiness. now is time to get back to my lonely life until we all meet again. time have been harsh for me and her... and we have gone through everything and is time for me to stand up as soon as possible... for all this, it was my 1st time going through all these pain where not much ppl can understand me... time is everything now, my love life and my future is all with it..... so Mr. Time, dont let me down and show me wat u are capable of and i will share the strenght to be a better man.

Back From Melbourne...

2009-06-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

so fast 10 days had gone and all the happy moment with jone and michael has end. stay with them is so much fun... we cook, eat, play and sleep together. all this give me a wonderful memories for the time in australia. finally it is time to leave... 1st michael leave back to malaysia yesterday, me and jone accompany him to sounthern cross station and wait for him until he leave the station. i was to sad to see him leave is like the day i see kim sangman leave... i wanted to cry but i keep it to myself and act normal. i noe he will be very sad to see me cry also... so leave me and jone for the nite... we play dota, chat and explore my iphone... so yea, i quite late and we go sleep. we woke up and have a last walk in melb, which i only can see it again end of this yr. i buy krispy kreme coz is very famouse in australia and i eat some and give the rest to him as thks for him letting me stay in his house. finally is time and i need to leave melb and back to tasmania for a lonely life for another 5 months again. TT at the station, i was so sad and he gave me a hug and i feel like crying again. i get in to the bus and wave to him and as we will only will meet again this december. when the bus starts its journey to the airport my eyes turn red and tears accumulate in my eye, so i quickly wear my sunglass to avoid ppl from seeing me crying. my heart is so pain coz i noe when i go back i will be alone and lonely again. while waiting to go on board, i listen to songs and look around. i saw ppl coming out of the plane and their love one and family where waiting for them. they give each other hug and some of them eyes turn red. when i saw all this, my eyes turn red and feel like cring again. this remind me of her. i always i to see her waiting for me at the airport and i will run towards her and give her a big big hug. everyone is smiling but not me... i was sad inside. the more i see them the more i feel very sad. i was like tat all the way until i reach tasmania... finally i am back to my small room with four wall with it. i quickly close the door and let my sadness out, i cried and tears non stop falling. all this situation is like she see me leave the airport and me seeing her get left behind. my heart feel so pain not being to be by her side all the time. i just hope i could see all my frens and her asap... i wan to see her more coz i really miss her alot... ><

Transformers 2 and Casino

2009-06-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

ah... after a few days of unstable emotional, esp missing her and wan see her badly, i also miss my korean and singaporean fren. 2day is the day where i enjoy the most in melb but still there is abit of sadness. 2day me and my melb fren went out the whole day for a walk and have something to eat. after tat we head back home to have a short rest bcoz there will me lots of fun during nite time. finally nite has come and everyone prepared and head for dinner. we meet up with another fren which is raymond and his gf. so all 5 of us have dinner together at a so call shang-hai noodle shop but the noodle taste bad. so yea... we walk around after dinner and we take a tram to federation square and have around 20 min walk to the casino. it was awesome when i 1st when in there. it was kinda fun looking around. there is a 2 cents jackpot machine, so i pay 1 dollar to play it. i win another 1 dollar like 2 minute later but at the end i din gain or lose anything lol... XD so time almost up, we head to the cinema which is just right upstairs the casino. we went in to the cinema at 9 but the movie start at 9.30. WTF..... so the movie started finally, overall the movie was awesome and is worth paying to watch because movie ticket here is damn exp which is 14 dollar. @@ so yea, after movie, let the gamble start. we just gamble with small amount coz we have no money to bet. haha... i lose all my money in blackjack, haha.... but nvm is just for experience. it was fun in the casino. =) so we head back home around 1.30. there is no tram anymore and we need to walk atleast 6 to 7 street until we reach home. we reach home around 2am and we continue party again. lol... so i read her blog and sms her but she did not reply me... i really really miss her and love her. my feeling towards her is getting stronger and stronger, my love for her is also getting stronger and stronger. i feel very lonely without her. i have try to let it go but is just too hard for me. this is my darkest time in my life, she is the only girl tat i be with me and together we walk through this darkness. i love u as i always do last time. ><

Melbourne Life

2009-06-24T08:07:00.000-07:00

it was somehow staying melb but is still kinda boring coz there is lack of something which is her. everyday is like so energy-less without her support me and care for me. i have decide to something for her here but i afraid she will not accept things tat i will send it to her few days later. melb is full of couple everywhere, now i think of myself and i relise she is not beside me anymore. i feel lonely without her doing all those happy thing and care for me. tats the most happy time for me even though i am far for me. now i am in melb even though is fun and happy but is not as happy as being with her. another happy moment of is tat i flirt her and make her smile, hug her, care for her. all this time is the happiest time of my life. i wan to hold her again and say i love u. i will appreciate more and more and never let go again. i hope tat she is here and be with me and we both can have all the fun in melb together. love u always... <3 *hugs*

Everyone Have Leave Me...

2009-06-21T19:50:00.000-07:00

finally exam is over and everyone is happy about it. i was also very happy to finish my last paper, but i am sad because everyone is leave me and never will come back again. there might be possibility tat i may not see them again. we celebrate on tat nite and also tats our last dinner together. everyone tat day is enjoying happily and i give everything i have to make the atmosphere more fun. tat day is my happiest day where everyone is happily enjoy themself where i noe the time is here. so we head back to our own room around 3 something, it was kinda tiring to stay up so late coz for the previous nite i slept at 5 and woke up at 10. but well.... is our last time tat we can really party together, so yea... is worth. =) so finally the leaving day had come, me and kim get ready and the others will say goodbye to me and him before we leave to the airport. for me i leave tas to melb for vacation and kim will go back to korea. i was really sad, coz i noe when i come back from melb, i wont see the again. so before enter the shuttle bus, i give everyone a hug and one of them are crying coz she is too sad to see us leave. i feel like crying bcoz i will never see them again. there we go, seeing them at the bus stop while ma and kim leave. so me and kim took the same flight to melb, it was really great tat i can be with him for the very last moment until he leave. we have subway in melb airport tat is our final meal together and donno when will be the next time we can sit down and have a meal again. i really appreciate all the moment until the final moment where i say goodbye to him and hug him. i feeling like crying coz he is really one of my fren tat care for me all the time. so well... we finally move on our way. to all singaporean and korean frens, wish u guy all the best in ur future and i noe there is one day everyone like in tasmania will have a reunion and meet up. i really thk to them for everything, all the happiness and fun and also gaming with them. really really thk u guy for tat, u all are my companion for this semester and u guys will be in my heart forever. ><

Another Nightmare And Dream Of Her

2009-06-17T21:48:00.000-07:00

aikz... another nightmare for me last nite. =S i can really recall wat was it about but i am sure is a nightmare. beside tat i see her in my nightmare as well... i am not sure y this day i keep have nightmare but is was a kinda cool nightmare and and and i keep seeing her in my dream (i mean most of the time) izzit tat i miss her too much and love her too much. i just cant stop thinking of her day and nite even sleep d also think of her (as in dream). haiz... i cant wait to go melb d, i gonna do something special for her when i get there and post it to her. for now i am still thinking wat to do for her. could be something nice... hahaha.... =) i love u forever and ever and wont let go until is really the time to let go. for now i dont think i will let go, coz the feeling is still there... love u so much... =)

Another Day...

2009-06-16T21:18:00.000-07:00

wtf... 2 days d cant sign in my blog. anyway, this 2 day i din sleep much because of exam and i need to stay up late to revise and revise and revise again and again and again and again. i stay up until 5 something which is malaysia time around 3.30am only i go to bed. after tat i woke up like 10.30 for my final revise b4 the exam start. i was so tired, 1st i din get enough sleep, 2nd, i use all my brain cell just to do those paper. for international business, it was an average paper, i think i can pass it if not i need to resit it again which is so stupid to do tat again... so well, yesterday paper was kinda difficult coz there is nothing much i can read, but than i crack my head just to write as much as i can. hope i can score at least half of the paper la. this 2 day, i miss her so much, while waiting for her to reply my msg, i did my revision while waiting for it. yesterday, was good coz we have a short chat b4 we both go to bed. =) i feel so good seeing her reply me and i am so happy about it. *hugs her*... i really really really miss her and love her this days, i wan to see her pretty face and hug her .... but i am just too far away from her now... TT

Missing Her So Much... ><

2009-06-14T07:52:00.000-07:00

2day another day have gone... i when to bed last nite around 5 something coz need to catch up with my study. yesterday nite i text her good nite and there is no reply... i waited quite long for her to reply but end up nothing. so after studying while waiting for her reply, i went to bed aldy. i have another nightmare last nite which is no one will celebrate chinese new year with me. is like i am now left alone in this world. i decide to wake up at 12 to go to the library to study while dl some game tat my cousin introduce it to me but i end up continue sleeping coz i was too tired. so i woke up around 3 something to have some food and continue my study again. when i start my studying, my heart feel missing her all the sudden. i miss her so much ever since the they i left malaysia to futher my study. i wanted to see her so badly and hug her... now i am 6700 km away from her, but i can still feel her close to me just tat the real person is not here with me. but now she left me, our distance is more far than 6700 km. every second in my heart is love her and miss her. i wan her to hug her and let her stay in my arm forever. every nite i hug my pillow tight as if she is by my side accompany me sleep soundly the whole nite. now.... i feel more lonely after she leave me. even though i have stand up continue my journey of life, my heart tells me i still very love her and miss her... i wan my heart to always stay with her and walk down this difficult road with me. now in my heart is love and miss, i cant do anything much bcoz i am too far away from her. once again, i love you and i miss u day and nite.... TT

Nightmare...

2009-06-13T05:55:00.000-07:00

yesterday nite i went to bed around 5.30 coz i am doing my revision. so i fall sleep not long later, the nightmare started. i cant really remember the whole nightmare but i can just remember some part of it. i saw her in my nightmare... we get seperate very far and i was worry about her safety. i can feel it, something has been taken away from me in this nightmare. i was cry until it was so real, while i was sleeping i can feel tat i am crying calling her name, my heart is so pain. this feeling strike me twice while i was sleeping. i love her to much and cant bare to leave her alone. i can feel every single thing about her. for this nightmare i noe there is gonna be something bad happen to her and it turn out true. she have a headache, so she is now resting... everytime i dream of her, bad or good there will be something happen to her. she is like in my soul, cannot be seperate. i am kinda sad when i woke up because i cant be close to her like last time... i always want to be close to her and take good care of her all the time. this is true and is reality, nothing can change it. i will always take care of her... *hugs her* ><

Feeling of Love Towards Her...

2009-06-12T07:18:00.000-07:00

ah.... it was a great nite yesterday, i finally get to call her after she went home. so i call her and we talk and talk and talk for almost an hour. i was really happy to hear her sweet lovely voice. we talk about anything and everything... XD i was really great. after talking to her one hour, i feel so energetic, is like she is the only person who give me all the strength when i am weak. is true... my love for her is infinity. i donno how to express my love towards her, is something like a guy who love gadgets and he is getting a new gadget everyday (not playboy i mean)... ppl always say a successful man always have a girl behind it. i think is really true, everytime i was sad, she is the one give me strength to stand up and hold my hand. tat kind of feeling is really awesome. another feeling is she soften my heart... tats the feeling she gave me, everytime i see her, my heart like chocolate, it melted... the 1st impression she give me when i saw her is to give all my love to her and hug her tightly and never let go. is really true... everything in her is just sweet... i really really love her and miss her these days, i hope i can be with her everyday and never let go of her. before i end this post, i would like to say I Love You My Dear...

Feeling very sad...

2009-06-11T04:37:00.000-07:00

it has been 2 days tat she din reply me and i am so worry about her... finally this afternoon she reply me coz her phone din charge, and we have a short chat on it. so finally i get to call her 2nite. well.... it was 7 now in malaysia, and i sms her let me noe when she is free to let me call her. not long later she reply me with a happy mood. she say now... so my 1st call... she pick up the phone, and i wan to talk to her but no reply from her, she din even talk to me on the phone, i just hear people talking and laughing... so well i hang up and call her the second time. finally is her talking to me... i was so happy to hear her sweet voice. so i try talking to her, but she din bother me much even though i was talking to her. she is having fun on the beach wat i can hear is some noisy sound and people laughing and also her talking to her family members. at tat time my mood change from normal to sad. i feeling like cry again... my eyes turn red and tears starting to fall... i can feel thing have change in her, she doesnt bother me much anymore like last time. my heart beat very fast when she did tat to me. i just wan to talk to her but y she so cold to me. so i decide to hang up if not she will her me cry. so i tell her i will call her when she go back home... she just hang up the phone right away after i say bye to her. last time i call her even though i talk a little bit, she have lot to talk, she talk about anything to me. but now when i talk to her she just answer me with a very short sentence and my heart is aching when she do tat to me. i wan the old her like last time when we are couple, but i noe we are not couple anymore. i just wan she treat me like last time... i still very love her, plz dont treat me so cold... i cant bare to leave her... ><

It Finally Begins...

2009-06-10T07:25:00.000-07:00

yesterday nite, i went to bed at 3 coz tired of waiting her reply, sad and also tired of whole day doing revision. when i lay down on my bed, i cant sleep coz alot of thing in my mind, mostly is because of her and i love her so much... i was thinking about her for one hour, when i close my eyes i saw her and all the happy moment we have. TT so i cant sleep and i get off my bed and do revision until 5 somthing only i go to bed. i din sleep much coz i was afraid the exam will be very hard, so i wake up around 10 and do my last look through. time is closing by, b4 i go for exam, i text her a msg hope tat she will wish me like last time, but no reply. well... maybe her signal there is really bad so she couldnt reply me. exam time have come, everyone when into the exam hall and i am kinda worried. so the examiner say ur reading 15 minute time starts now, i quickly open the exam booklet and it turn up to be quick easy. =) so i finish it in 2 hours time including checking quite a few times... the examiner let me leave early coz he saw me sitting there doing nothing and finish my paper so fast. so i rush back to check my phone and she din reply. i tell myself is okae, coz her signal there is very bad so she cant reply, but i am so worried about her. TT i really do love her alot, my heart only have her... TT

Alot of things changes

2009-06-09T06:15:00.000-07:00

2day i was sad and stress... 2moro is my 1st final exam paper. i am so worry tat i will fail the paper. i was sad coz the girl i love did not reply my msg at all but i noe maybe her signal over there is very very bad so she did not reply me. besides tat she say i may call her this afternoon but i call from afternoon until now but every call failed. well again... i noe her signal there is very bad so she did not hear me calling. exam is 2moro, when we are couple she give me courage, acompany me the whole day to do my revision, give me hug even though is sms but i feel comfortable, wish me luck all day long, giving me a good luck kiss before going to bed but now everything change, all the things tat she gave me last time i couldnt get it now d. i am so sad about it... dear ar, can u give me another chance coz i really really really need u by myside, support me and give me all the best things in the world which is ur love. while i am writting this post, my eyes turn red and tears start falling. seriously speaking, i really need u to come back to me. even though i am far from u, my heart is full of u. i noe is difficult for u everytime u think of me, i am the same as well but everytime ppl ask about how are u and me i will answer them proudly coz i noe u wont let me down. dear ar i noe u dont wan me to call u tat now, i really hope i can still have a chance to take care of u and let us make through this long relationship and there is no one can seperate us in the future. can u give me another chance? TT

A Sweet Dream

2009-06-08T00:14:00.000-07:00

lol... i went to bed around 4 last nite, so late rite, hahaha.... i went to with a worry mood, coz i worry about her the whole nite. so well, i hug my pillow tight again to pray for her like i did every nite call her name and say i love u. not long later i fall asleep d... =) my dream started, i dream of her last nite, i cant really remember wat the dream was about but is something about me and her getting couple again... =) wat i can say is, it was a sweet dream. around 9 something next door alarm clock rang, damn fucking noisy and tat asshole doesnt wan to wake up so his alarm keep ringing. =.= he spoil my dream. so i look at my handphone, is will kinda early though where she is still sleeping sweetly on her bed. so i din bother sms her and wake her up. so i back to sleep again, another dream of her pop up again. aikz... keep dreaming about her. XD another disturbing case, one of my fren knock my door, damn... i open the door and he ask for to borrow him a watch... i quickly give it to him just to chase him away... XP finally no more disturbing, and i sent her my 1st msg. =) i dream of her AGAIN when i fall asleep, it was another SWEET dream... so many sweet dream of her. so i woke up around 2pm and my mood is unstable... my heart feel lonely without her being close to me, everytime i think of her or look at her msg, i feel very happy. is like she is being close to me even though we are 6700 km away from each other. i just wan to say, u are my everything and i really do love u... ><

I Love You!!!

2009-06-07T05:41:00.000-07:00

ah... 2day my mood is normal coz exam i coming if i continue cry all day long my result is gonna be so screw. okae... as usual i woke up and sms her and greed her good morning... =) than cleam myself up, cereal breakfast but 2day milk had run out so i just had a liitle bit only. while i was eating i watch anime =) after tat so lazy to study and i ply starcraft... WTF!!! after tat only i start study. here is my story, everyday i woke up, 1st thing will come to my mind is the girl i love, yes is u. before i get out of my bed i will hug my pillow and say i love you and plz come back. i feeling towards her is gaining everyday but i am so scare she will have another bf and i will no more chance. i am not sad or emo but i just couldnt let go. one of my fren ask me how are u, have ur gf come back to u. i reply no and i hope she will come back to me soon. she was sad for me and also hope tat my gf will come back to me. well... everything is a hope, will it come true is all gonna depends on her answer. 2day dinner was awesome, while cooking it, my gay partner come hug me from behind and i feel it again, my love one can i have another chance? when he hug me, he tell me i wish my gf was like u, so slim XD. when i heard the word gf, it reminds me all the happy moment we have been together and i wan those happy moment to last forever which mean i love her forever. when she read this, i noe she gonna tell me my answer will be the same. but i really hope her answer will be yes when i ask her to give me a chance again. u and always u my love one, i am here to say to u i love u. =)

A Gloomy Day

2009-06-06T05:33:00.000-07:00

another rainy day in Launceston. as i woke up around 2 something, the sky was dark, so yea... i noe is gonna rain soon. so i clean up myself and have my so call breakfast at 3 while enjoying anime. after tat i heard ppl screaming and running and it finally rain. the running back to their car from the football field as fast as they can like my heart beat very fast when i think of her. =) the feeling is getting stronger everyday and my love for her is increasing everyday. so well, there is no sun 2day but sky is getting darker as around 4 something. this situation is like after she leave me, my day is no longer bright and always in dark. the days where we are couple, she brighten up my life no matter day or night, there is always light shining at us all the time. now the night has come, i feel tat i am having dinner alone even though there are some fren around me. ever since she leave me i feel more lonely than ever and this remind me i must walk down the dark path all by myself and there is no more her holding my hand walking anymore. i cant see the path clearly and there is no one heal my injuries as i fall, no one to help me stand up after i fall. last time when i fall or injured, she is the only person tat help me but now, there is no one but me myself. my life is dark without her, 'i love u and i always love u'. i am now crawling with one hand up to wait for u to hold it again and we will walk the path together. I Love U!!! =)

Maybe...

2009-06-04T20:59:00.000-07:00

yesterday nite before i went ot bed, i open my curtain and i look outside. temperature is so cold outside and is cover with fog, i cant even see the car park. then i think of something, i have lost direction after lossing her and i am walking on a path which is full of fog, i cant even see wat is right in front of me. after tat i went to bed. like the normal things i do, i hug my pillow and say her name. than i fall a sleep. i couldnt sleep well last nite, my heart beat is too strong even i can hear it and there is something on in my mind. i keep say 'let go, let go everything' but i am still trying. i wanted to chat with her so much last nite and i push her too hard as well as myself. i make a mistake there and she treat me very cold, i was abit sad. 2day she is going back penang for holiday and i cant msn with her and just hope tat every msg is send she will reply. when i am sleeping, inside my head keep thinking of something, here is the something:

let go or not?

maybe i should let go, maybe i should not let go, maybe i dont love her anymore, maybe i still love her alot, maybe there is still chance for me and her, maybe there is no more chance for me and her, maybe i push myself too hard again, maybe i din push myself too hard, maybe i make her sad again, maybe i did somethig wrong to her.... etc

i was thinking it all nite and now i am very depress and feel like crying. i donno why izzit happening to me. i try to let go but my heart tell me not to let go of her. i can feel tat my love towards her is getting stronger and stronger. i told her i will let go last nite and beg for her forgiveness and she din say a single word. i makes me worrying the whole nite. then i start to think, when i say i will let go is tat true or a lie or just to comfort myself? i so hard for me. maybe 2nite i should go to one of my fren room to talk to her coz she had a long distance relationship as well but she and her bf are still together. maybe this talk will let me cry everything out. i hope it works... ><

Heart beat...

2009-06-03T23:05:00.001-07:00

as usual i woke up quite late 2day but if is malaysia time, than is quite early for me... wtf... XD i 1st woke up around 12 something and my heart beat very fast when i think of her and my mood is not so good. so i when back to sleep again, i hug my pillow tight as how i hug her all the time calling her to come back for me... (hope things will change and she will come back to me) than i fall asleep again. hours later i woke up coz i need to accompany my sister to grocerries and i have something to buy as well. i feel tat there is something taken away from me and will never return. she told me she was gonna go penang for a week last nite and my mood change a little bit coz i cant chat with her for a week. ><>< is not i dont wan let go, but is just very very hard from me to do it. i have try and keep telling myself to let go but she is my soul, my angel as if she is someone very important to me....

Moments...

2009-06-03T03:19:00.000-07:00

ah... feel normal 2day, but still thinking of her. i woke up everyday, switch my cool laptop, brush my teeth, face my face, shower, cereal breakfast. haha... actually i was think to have garlic bread i bought on monday, but i donno how to cook it. so yea... leave it and have my cereal brunch. well... during my brunch, i usually watch some short anime but this few days, i read her blog as to update myself wats going on with her. i feel really happy whenever i read her blog or chat with her. i donno y but is like she is so close to me. tat kind of feeling is really awesome and i love it. everything she told me i will remember and i listen and will do it right away. others ppl tell me something i will forgot about it few minute later, but she is different, she is the only one can really push me to do everything. some asshole might is i damn dog something but i dont care, i leave my life and is gonna be like this for now. she really give me alot of encouragement and tats the reason i doesnt wan to let go of her. i am being a good boy 2day, after playing starcraft alone, i concentrate with my account and i promiss her and myself to get good result for every unit in this semester. she is like an angel to me, without my life will be lonely. to her 'if u read this, i am sure u will think the opposite ways, but i really mean every words i say about u, i really do'. hehe.... =)

I couldn't do so...

2009-06-02T00:09:00.000-07:00

2day morning i woke up, it was a cold morning with a cold rain. my heart feel so pain and beating very fast when i think of her. i am so sad and when back to sleep again, i hug my pillow tightly as it remind me all the hug we have it last time and calling her name and say plz dont leave me coz i love u. all the sudden i fall back to sleep again... TT an hour later i woke up, i open my curtain the weather change, it was a sunny afternoon with ppl playing tennis outside. while i was looking at them, i realise a couple was playing tennis and this remind me the old days where we are loving each other, we go basketball every weekend. when i saw them hugging each other, i feeling like crying again coz i noe i cant hug her tightly anymore, right in my arm... as usual everytime i wake up i will text her a good morning msg and ask her did she sleep well last nite. after finish cleaning myself and breakfast, she din even reply my msg. i was so sad, so i decide to send her another msg, but no reply as well... >< i noe as she say she is not sitting down smsing her fren all the time, but at least one could make me feel alot better... well is alright i tell myself, maybe she is still sleeping or doing her own things, but now in tasmania is ad 5pm and noe she is going to kumon soon. so i just leave my phone aside while waiting for her reply me. then i surf the net and check update for her blog. i start reading her old post, when i saw that post i feel it was too late to turn back. then i start to think back all the incident happen at the airport. i try my best to make her feel safe and happy at tat time, but i noe is not easy because i now her attitude, is hard to make her happy when she is sad. when me and my sister was walking down the escalator, i was looking at her, she smile even though she was sad... all the while i was looking at her instead of my family and frens coz i noe i love her more than anyone and i wish tat i could see her up close for the very last second until it was time to go on board. her smile was so sweet even though her inside is sad... i still remember, i try msg her and comfort her but when she reply my msg i can feel tat she is even more sad... she noe i dont like seeing her cry coz it would make me feel sad as well. but i noe in her heart she is sad. during the 8 hour flight to melb, i was so worried about her and my sister noe tat too... every hour i remind myself, how is she now? is she alright? did she go to sleep? or did she sleep well? finally i have reach melb airport and i text her the 1st msg after going through the immigration. i waited so long but she din reply and i finally realise the time is 3 hour ahead and she probably still sleeping. i was a long wait before my next flight to tasmania. i keep holding my phone everywhere and checking it every minute whether she reply me or not. finally she reply me, i was so happy to hear from her, she told me she was fine but i doubt it... i noe she is still sad of seeing me leaving. all of this is the past but why am i still thinking of it. i keep thinking of this bcoz i wan to remind myself to stay strong for this relationship... as time past, i noe the will be something bad happen to us but i still try my best to keep our relationship strong and patiently wait for the day i go home and we could finally see each other again... in my mind i always tell myself i will give her a great big hug when i go back but now i can never do it... noe i am so weak, i need some1 i love to care for me and support me. even though i have been telling few of my brother and besties my scar will never be heal until i really see her and hug her for the last time. maybe this is the only way to end everything once and for all... now i am trying my best to let go but i couldn't do so, i tell myself not to think of her so much but she was like in my brain every second. the only time i hardly think of her is during revision. it was so hard for me to let go, is like someone is trying to pull my soul out of me and i resist it. some of my fren tell me i still have hope but i noe they are just trying to comfort me. the dearest things i can think of is all the happy moment we been together and also the 1st time she name me 'ling'. everytime is think of 'ling' i am so happy but now it makes me feel sad about it. is not i dont wan to let, but is just too hard for me. can u imagine someone is trying to separate a new born baby from the mother, the mother will try anything just to get her baby back. during dinner time with my korean fellow, we was having dinner in front of the tv 2day... =) while eating and watching tv a commersial advertisement showing how a lovely couple a together and everything, at tat moment i feel the pain and feel lik crying again but keep my tears. after finishing dinner, we relax on the couch talking and my fren lay his head on my shoulder, once again my love for her is back i feel the warm of him like i hug u everytime. i feel lik crying but i din just no to make them worried. maybe time is the only things can save me, but its so suffering for me when trying let go of her... i hope there is a time machine tat can bring me back from the beginning when we 1st love each other.... TT

Should i let go?

2009-05-31T11:28:00.001-07:00

this is a really hard time for me if i were to let go of her. i have been loving her since time ago, until 2day i can say is 3 an a half yr of loving her and include 1 yr of relationship with her. she gave me lots of beautiful memories and ofcoz a few time hurting me but it doesnt matter. wat matter is i love her.... actually i have ask myself and think about it should i let go anot? but i have no courage to do tat coz i love her very very deep. is hard to explain but is something lik a submarine sank into the sea bed and can never float to the surface again. if i do so, is really hard for me to stand up again and will cause alot of pain. i am also worry about she will get a new bf. can u imagine a girl u love get a new bf and how suffering it is see them loving each other and u cant do anything about it. the thing u do for her u scare she wont like it.... tats the kind of feeling i have now. i try no to think about it but i cant. everytime i past by a lovely couple, i feel lik crying and i feel sad about wat happen last few weeks ago. i try to let myself cry but i cant and this is another problem, keeping it inside is really hard. now i am far away from her and could not see her, and maybe when i come back later she would have a new bf already. at tat time i cant date her or get her back to me anymore and everything will end, no more valantine gift, home made birthday cake and birthday present, cant bring her out during christmas eve and new year countdown, no more lovely hug for me and also hand holding. until now i still cant let go of her.... coz there are still lot of things i have not do for her. i have lots of plan for her when i go back.

yesterday i chat with her and she say i should let go and stand up, but is really difficult to let go after 3 and a half yr of love. is like u are building a castle and u give up on it just like tat, how would the castle look like? all the effort, investment for the castle is all gone and the castle would not look nice. i just hope everything stop at 11 february, so tat she would not see me fly to australia and seperate from her and our relationship will last forever. but there is nothing to stop the time... i love and care her more than anyone in the world. what should i do? let ot go or not? Y.Y

1st time cooking... XD

2009-05-31T05:25:00.000-07:00

my korean frens have decide to let me join their asian cooking club. the 1st time they ask me, 'hey, come join us for dinner for the last 3 week since we are going and bcoz u are my fren'. okae... mean before tat i am not ur fren la... XD jk jk... it was great to let me join ur dining club every nite... i love kim kyoungsu cooking.... he was a really awesome guy, wat i can see in him is a good husband and father in the future. he can cook, cut hair and even massage... his massage is really good. =)

so back to the cooking... i was so excited. 1st i went to kitchen with them, i though i am really useless coz donno how to cook. so sangman kim ask me to wash the potatoes and pill onion skin, i was really happy tat i can help them... it took me quite some time to pill the skin.... @@ when i have done everything he ask me again, 'can u chop this 3 onion into really small pieces coz i need it for fried rice'. haha.... with my dumpness in cooking, i dont even noe how to chop it, when i chop, the onion fly here and there... such a waste. but ofcoz i manage to chop it into small pieces in the end... =) then all the cooking is done. i feel so happy to see wat i have done.... i will try my best on tuesday again... this time no more flying onion... hahaha..... =)

Love for Her

2009-05-31T05:16:00.001-07:00

she is my love one, no matter how far she was from me or how far is me from me, in my heart she is the only girl i think everyday. now she made her choice and i should respect her decision, but i will not give up on her. i will try my best to get her back to my heart, hold her hand, hug her and never let go. i noe in her heart she still have me and love me. i really really love her and she is my everything. i seriously cant survive without her close to me. wat i can say now is plz come back to me, the door of my heart is always open to wait for her to come back. =)

If.....

2009-05-29T22:04:00.001-07:00

this morning i woke up, as in 2pm in tassie... XD i am kinda worry about her, coz there is no reply from her yesterday. so i decided to msg her again and end up with nothing again. TT As usual, everytime i woke up is will switch on my laptop and surf the net while i am having my breakfast. So i decided to look at her blog so see how she feel yesterday. When i read her blog, my mood change from normal to sad. i keep asking myself izzit me tat the one annoy her and also the one give her alot of pain? all my wish is just to see her happy, care for her and comfort her. my mood can easily influence by her, when she is sad, i will feel sad as well. i just donno y, ever since from the beginning of the day i love her, i will feel her mood, sad or happy. since our relationship had ended, if she changes her mind, i will always be there for her coz i still love her no matter wat happen in the past.

To her: 'plz let me noe if i really really annoy or give u too much pain'

2 days ago, she was back to normal after spending the whole afternoon of sadness and we start to chat again. yay... =) during the conversation, she ask me to be her brother coz she need a brother. my 1st reaction was stun @@. so i told her i will think about it and let her noe next time. i really think about it and think and think again all day long. i have also ask some of my fren opinion, some say yes some say no and myself is still 50 50 about this. then i think seriously again. there is so many 'if' for these question

if i become her brother, is there still a chance for me to couple with her?
if i become her brother, will she treat me just like a brother?
if i become her brother, will thing change?
if i become her brother, izzit the only way to stay close to her, care for her all the time?
if i dont become her brother, will she forget me when she change her hp number next month?
if i dont become her brother, will she forget me when she have a new bf?
if i dont become her brother, will she still care for me like she did last time?

all this questions is so hard to be answer. i love her more than anyone even though she hurt again, i never give up on her even though she suggest to brk up with me. i am all fine with tat. 'love' is something very strong, strong i a sense of energy. it can make someone go crazy. as some ppl say 'love have no boundaries'. now i realize it was true. as in my case, all my fren can see how i really love her even though many happen in the past, until 2day, my love for her is never change. for the question above i will think of it very deeply and some of it i had ad answer. soon i will give her the answer, and all my dear fren plz support me no matter wat is my final decision.

EXAM!!!!!

2009-05-28T22:14:00.001-07:00

omg.... final is around the corner, which is 10 days away from now. I still not yet open any book to start reading. all my books is lik seriously damn thick and how am i gonna finish it. @@

Besides exam stress, love give me a serious problem. is lik everyday i wake up, i can feel something is missing and all kind of challanges from love. thinking of her all the time, thinking of all the happy moment we had together, all this thing make me hard to concentrate on my revision.... ><

wat should i do, plz someone help me sit for my exam. if not then help me cure my love sick problem. plz anyone out there can help me, i seriously need help.... HELP! HELP! HELP! XD

The Name Call Loverboy90

2009-05-28T05:10:00.000-07:00

1st of all, how i give myself this name "Loverboy90". For the numbering "90" is my year of birth which 1990.

Here comes the story of y it is call Loverboy but not something else. I gave my self this name bcoz of a girl i love for a long time. I patiently waited for her around 2 yrs since i was in form 4. There are so may challenges within this 2 yrs, many guys trying thier best to get her. It was a alot of competition but bcoz of my stuborn-ness... XD i din give up, i patiently wait day by day, hours by hours and second by second, finally she gave me a chance to take care of her. It was kinda long story if i tell u guys evevrything from the beginning, but perhap one day i will tell u guys, hahaha.... XD

From tat day onward i name myself "Loverboy". =)